oh hey blog

i forgot about you. well not really, i have a pretty killer memory, i just got..lazy. surprise, surprise. also,  i've been pretty busy so i haven't had time to keep up with it. lots of things have changed since the last time i updated so i'll just bullet point them for time's sake (it's 3 am..i should be sleeping!)

*I QUIT MY JOB. my job had really started to eat away at my soul. it was a hard decision and i've never quit a job before unless i was moving but i couldn't stand being there another day. i was going to go back to school so i just used that excuse to justify my decision. although, i didn't start school until the end of august and i quit mid july, with a note that had my key taped to the back. yikes.

*I AM BACK IN SCHOOL. as mentioned above. grad school. how grown up. UTD... is definitely no Texas A&M... but it is what it is yo.

*I FINISHED ACCUTANE. back in september. i ended up being on it for an extra month because i wasn't completely cleared up. i am now. sort of. i have small blemishes but no pimples. i am glad it's over. i am not sure i would recommend it to others or not.  my hair has been shedding a lot since the accutane. it's supposed to be a temporary side effect that lasts about 6 months. 2 months down....

that is all. sweet dreams!

Accutane Update and Randomness

I finished my 2nd month of Accutane! I was on 80 mg daily (40 mg pills twice a day). This month was extremely trying on my skin. My lips were constantly dry, the only thing that helped was aquaphor. Sometimes, I forgot to bring my aquaphor when I was out and about and my lips would crack, peel and bleed. My skin was extremely dry and flaky. A few times this past month, I woke up with small tears on the skin on my armpits. This was annoying because I couldn't shave and anything with sleeves would rub against the tear and sting. I started applying lotion to my underarms before bed and it's been a little better since. I had a break out on my back this month as well. I was slightly irritated because I thought I was done with the breakout and on the road to recovery. When I went to my derm appointment to be able to start month 3, I told her I was unhappy with the progress on my back (my face has been looking amazing) so she prescribed me Ziana, a topical acne cream. Ziana is a combination of an antibiotic and a retinoid. I apply it every night to my back and my face. Hopefully it'll help speed up my treatment. Hopefully. My blood test results were also "really good" according to my dermatologist. Aside from the dryness, flaking and occasional cracking and bleeding, 'twas not so bad.. Onto month 3.... and if you're curious, here's a picture of me sans make up, halfway through my second month.

"I hope you find it, what you're looking for. I hope it's everything you dreamed your life could be and so much more. I hope you're happy, wherever you are."

my life in texts

GOODNIGHT

run forrest run

something really strange happened today. i felt like running. if you know me at all, you know that i am lazy. working out is a form of punishment to me. i hate to work out. i only work out to be in shape. if i had an awesome metabolism or i was tall enough to look alright with a few extra pounds, i would never work out. ever. lately, i've been pushing myself to try to eat right or work our or both. part of it is my family, with the exception of my dad, my family is fixated on diet and fitness. lately, it seems like it's all we talk about. this diet. that diet. weight watchers. atkins. grapefruit juice. protein shakes. blah. when you're constantly surrounded by this, you're constantly aware of how out of shape you are. another part is work, it's the same way at my work. everyone's in shape and everyone is always talking about what they eat, how they eat, when they work out etc etc etc. i really have no choice but to be constantly thinking and talking about food and exercise. most of the time, i fake it. pretend to enjoy it. but really, there's so much else i'd rather talk about than eating right and exercising. how boring. but for some reason, it's all everyone around me wants to talk about. confession time: it makes me feel fat. at work, i'm the most out of shape. at home, i have a sister who is tiny and obsessed with fitness. i also have a mother, who feels the need to remind me i'm not skinny enough every 5 minutes. okay maybe every 10 minutes but i'm really not exaggerating here. really. so, i've pretty much been pushing myself to try to eat right(not always successful) and exercise. i love food, i love to cook and i love to eat, so eating healthy all the time is challenging for me. therefore, i try to make up for it by exercising. a while back, i had started p90x. i love p90x. if you want results p90x is your best friend. i stopped it after a few weeks though, when i started accutane because i was extremely tired and had extremely sore knees and lower back. i started exercising again last week but i didn't really want to go back to p90x yet. so i've been running. i'm not a runner. i hate to run. i probably have a 12 minute mile, not that i even want to find out. but running works. fast. so i've been pushing myself to run/walk 30 minutes 6 times a weeks on the treadmill. today, the weather was really nice so i decided to run outside. i went to a local high school track with a friend, but there was some sort of practice at the track so we couldn't run there. we left and went to another track and it was taken over by about 50 5-7 year old soccer kids. finally we decided to go to a park, but our timing was awful and it was already dark. the park we went to is covered with trees and has a creek running behind it. it's beautiful during the day, but at night it's like asking to be kidnapped and murdered to be out there. so we went home. normally, i'd be perfectly alright with wasting time instead of working out, actually i'd be secretly relieved but not today for some reason. i was annoyed. i had this weird aggression built up from not being able to run so i came home got on the treadmill and just ran. forrest gump style. those were the most intense 30 minutes of running ever. it burned but felt so satisfying to bust my ass. i'm actually looking forward to doing it again tomorrow. i can't really explain it. it just felt so good to feel my body burning and sweating. maybe i experienced my first runner's high because i definitely feel addicted and want more. 

What happens in Vegas...

gets blogged about. I went to Vegas last week for 3 days with work. We went for a dental conference, which sounds lame but it was actually quite interesting. I'd never been to Vegas so I was excited. We managed to fit a few fun things into the work trip..

Our hotel was right next to the Bellagio, so we walked over and hit up the casino. Oh yeah, and the guy we asked to take this picture, wanted a picture of us on his camera as well, weird.

Criss Angel's Illusion Show at the Luxor. It was incredible. However, I will say that as an adult, the whole time you're sitting there trying to figure out how he's managing to do the trick; whereas kids enjoy the show more because they are simply in awe of -- MAGIC.

VIP at the Jet (located in the Mirage). I owned that pole. But that'll be our secret, okay?

The morning after. We wore Dr. D out. He loves us though, our work trip was such a bonding experience. Can't wait to go back in December!

acne/accutane

where do i even begin? i've been putting off writing about this because i don't even know where to start this one. someone wise told me to start at the beginning, so here i go! flash back 10 years when i was 13 (holy crap i'm old).. i had my first pimple. i still remember it, is that weird? it was on the left side of my face, on my cheek, right by my nose. ha funny the random things you remember. i was horrified. i remember having read in every teen magazine invented to never pop your pimples because they will leave scars. so i didn't pop it. i had this ugly pink swollen oozing mountain with a white top claiming the left side of my face, and i let it sit there. as long as it wanted. about a week later it decided to finally peace out on its own. i remember a friend in junior high asking me, "aren't you ever tempted to pop your pimple?"
"no way! that would cause it to leave a scar" i replied. i wish i could go back in time to my 13 year old naive self and tell myself to pop those nasty suckers. i've since learned to pop them and squeeze the white oozing puss out and then let it heal. i was such a moron. walking around the hallways of my school with pimples on my face with gross white heads. i didn't even discover the magic of concealer until high school. luckily though, i only got one pimple at a time and it wasn't really that often, usually once or twice a month.

then came high school, and my face started to break out more frequently. maybe it was stress, maybe it was my diet, maybe it was my raging hormones. who the hell knows. this was the first time i went to the doctor for acne. he decided my acne was very mild and i was over reacting, so he prescribed me a topical spot cream known as tazorac. it didn't really work that well as far as i can remember but i used it anyway. after about 6 months, i actually had legitimate breakouts so i decided to go back. this time, he prescribed me birth control pills, since the topical did not help. i went on orthotricyclen junior year of high school. at first, it was amazing. my acne cleared up really well and i was glad to not have to worry about it anymore. but like a cheap summer romance, that excitement fizzled fast as my body became immune to the hormone, and the acne came back. this time it came back fighting. my skin was absolutely disgusting. my doctor finally referred me to a dermatologist.

my dermatologist decided i needed a combination of topical and oral treatment. he presribed me a morning cream, benzaclin, a tetracycline antibiotic, minocycline, and tazorac for my night cream. it was a time consuming treatment, i had to remember to take antibiotics 3 times a day on top of my topical creams. it did help clear up my acne however. but i'm sure you know how this goes since this post is supposed to be about accutane.

so i'll skip my college years, since they're a blur to me anyway, and sum it up by saying i broke out really bad when i moved to college station, i guess my skin is really sensitive to environment changes. i did eventually get used to the weather down there and my skin went back to normal with occasional break outs, as it had been in the past. fast forward to now, i graduated college. i decided i wanted a year off from school to work and be a bum (worst decision ever, i miss school) so i moved back home. moving back to dallas was awful on my skin. college station is really humid and dallas is really dry. the difference in the environment really showed on my skin. i had awful acne, all over my face. it was really frustrating. i decided to go back to the dermatologist. i chose a new derm i'd never been to before. i told myself before going in, i wanted to talk about permanent treatment. i was sick of 3 to 6 months of treatment/relief and then being back at square one.

i went to my first appointment and spoke with my doctor. i told her everything i had ever used for acne, and how it helped or lack there of. she listened intently and then i saw her write something on her clipboard. she was sitting directly in front of me, so i looked down and saw-- accutane-- written next to my name and date of birth on a piece of paper. my stomach dropped a little bit because i had always had accutane in the back of my mind but i've heard so many horror stories i never considered it. my dermatologist looked up at me said "well you know, you're 23 and by now you shouldn't be having acne issues." thanks for the vote of confidence, lady. she went on about accutane and how it would be the right treatment for me, but she basically convinced me when she said, "we can always try something else, a stronger antibiotic than you've had in the past, but it'll be the same thing as before where you'll be good for a few months and it will come back. accutane is permanent, for 90 percent of its' users and the other 10 percent might have acne again but it's usually many many years later." i decided that i could put up with 5 months of intense treatment if it meant never having to deal with this problem again.

i started my first month on 40 mg a day. i took one 40 mg pill every evening with dinner for 30 days. the very first few days i took it, felt extremely tired. the first week i was on accutane, i broke out in hives and my skin got oily. i was afraid i had an allergic reaction to the medicine and would have to be taken off of it, but i only had hives on 2 nights and they were completely gone by the morning so i decided to continue the treatment and i didn't call my doctor about it either. i've been told that accutane purges everything out of your pores first, so it is normal to be get really oily at first even if your skin is normally not very oily. i had read up a lot on accutane before i started the treatment. any female that decided to take accutane has to wait 30 days before starting the treatment so i had a month to do as much research on the medicine as i possibly could. i had read numerous testimonies and could tell you about every side effect related to the medicine. knowing what to expect really helped me out my first month. after the first week and a half, my skin started to get dry as is typical with accutane. it started with my lips, they were dry and flakey all the time. regular chapstick does nothing for you on accutane. i purchased aquaphor, which i'd read is the one to use on accutane because it not only moisturizes but also heals chapped lips. i own more chapstick than a check out aisle at target and aquaphor is the only thing that helps my lips. my skin also got really dry and flakey. it also felt like it was sunburnt all the time. i'd read about this also, many people call it the 'tane burn. about two weeks into my treatment i got the dreaded two week breakout that every accutane user deals with. i'd read about it over and over on many message board and blogs. i had cystic acne, which i've had before but this was much bigger than the ones i'd dealt with in the past, all over my cheeks and chin. i had a pimple beard for cryin' out loud. i even broke out on my chest which i never do. but after about a week and a half it started to clear up, and when it did, it cleared up really fast, which i was happy about. when i finished my first month, i had a few active pimples but they were small and mostly red bumps from my previous breakout. my most uncomfortable side effect the first month was dry lips. i did experience a little bit of joint pain as well in my knees along with back pain. another side effect i'd read about. overall, my first month wasn't overwhelming and went by faster than i'd thought it would. i'm currently 4 days into my second month. my dermatologist increased my dosage from 40 mgs to 80 mgs/day. Now, I take a 40 mg pill with breakfast and then another one with dinner. Even though I've only been on 80 mgs for 4 days, I've already started to see flakes and dry patches of skin all over my body. My lip has also sliced right down the center from being extremely dry and started to bleed. I'm nervous about this month because I'll be on double the amount as last month. I'll do a follow up at the end of the month, wish me luck fools.

four eyes are better than two

i really want glasses! i know i'm a nerd, but i think  they are so cute. these are my mom's, i stole them, but then they started hurting my eyes. imagine that. i really want some freaking glasses.

random thoughts..

• my sleep schedule is so whack, i stayed up all night last night to be able to watch India vs. Sri Lanka in the cricket world cup (WORLD CHAMPIONS BABY), so worth it but now my circadian rhythm is screwed up. i slept from 5 to10 pm today, it's almost 3 am right now and i feel dead to world, but i'm so tired that i can't even fall asleep. that probably makes no sense but that's how i feel. 
• i need to do laundry really bad. i probably have about 3 full loads worth, how gross. i hate laundry. as much as i love buying clothes, cleaning them is punishment. 
• the next two weeks at work are short weeks.
• in two weeks, i'm going to vegas with work. i've never been, so i'm excited. it'd be nice to not have to do work things during the day, but i guess i can't complain since i don't have to pay for flight/hotel/food. who wants a souvenir?
• i just watched All Good Things, with Ryan Gosling and Kirsten Dunst. it was pretty good, except i can't stand Kirsten Dunst. did someone kick her teeth in? her teeth belong to a pre-braces 12 year old kid. someone tell  her to never smile again, please. i think seeing her in Bring It On just ruined her as an actress for me. i can't take her seriously in legitimate roles. she ruined Spiderman too. ugh, everything about her just annoys me. 
• i'm doing the Tim Ferris slow carb diet, today was the infamous cheat day. boy, did i take advantage of it. 
• i just started reading Hunger Games, which i picked up just because i've been hearing so much about it. it's not really the type of books i'm into, but i really like it. although, i'm only 2 chapters in. maybe i'll do a book review blog post? maybe. 
• i think i'm going to try to get some sleep now so i don't sleep my whole day away tomorrow.

goodnight! 

welcome to my blog!

i've decided to join the blogosphere! i've been wanting to do this for a while, but i never actually got around to it. well, about 2 weeks ago, one of my best friends, nikki, got engaged! so exciting! and even more so exciting, she asked me to be a bridesmaid!! i'm so honored she wants me to be a part of her big day, and i can't wait for all of the wedding planning and festivities, it's going to be a blast! but i digress. anyway, nikki has a blog on which she's been posting about wedding things. i've been reading it lately and her blog is so cute, check it out here. after checking out her blog, i got to thinking, i've always wanted to start a blog myself, so i decided to finally do it. i don't really have a 'vision' for this blog, and i'm not exactly sure if i will even keep up with it. i have that problem, i get really excited about little projects, but i get bored with things really easily as well. hopefully, that won't be the case here. for now, i just see this as a place to share random things, post pictures, and document my oh-crap-i'm-23-and-being-a-grown-up-sucks life. also, i just started accutane, and i really want to document my entire treatment, so expect several posts about it as well for the next 5 months or so.

i couldn't decide on what to name my blog, i had a few ideas but they were taken. so i decided to ask someone, and this is how that conversation went...

me: i want to start a blog.
friend: why?
me: i think it'd be interesting and nikki's blog inspired me.
friend: cool, what are you going to write about?
me: whatever i feel like, what should i name it though?
friend: stupid shit nobody wants to read

and there you have it folks, inception of my blog.

note: lots of stupid shit nobody wants to read to follow :)